Navigating Grief – Part 3, Blessed Are Those Who Comfort
Takeaway: Be real and help with real things
In Part 2 of this series, we learned some listening techniques, some questions to ask, and some inoffensive responses to others’ grief. But what if you want to do more?
Blessed are those who mourn
Scripture contains several references to grief, including this in Matthew 5:4, part of the Beatitudes: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” No matter how reassuring those words can be, grieving people crave comfort from fellow mortals as well. In Romans 12:15, Paul is quoted as saying “mourn with those who mourn.”
Reach out
We might like to think that someone prefers to be alone in their sorrow. Really? Or are we just trying to avoid an awkward conversation? Most people want human connection in such times. They may not be ready to talk much, but make sure they know that you want to when the time is right. Offer hope but acknowledge that it will be a long road.
A time to mourn
Ecclesiastes 3.4: “… a time to weep and a time to laugh…” Grief can cause both, and at nearly the same time. Be open to all emotions. Consider telling a story about the deceased. Watch and listen to the bereaved carefully; follow their lead for subsequent conversation.
Do something
Asking someone if you “can do anything” seems positive, but it also transfers the burden you feel to the bereaved. Don’t make them come up with things. Figure out what they need and just do it. Say, “I’m going grocery shopping this afternoon. I can make a note now, or you can text me a few things to pick up.” After delivering the groceries, offer to prepare something. Clean the kitchen. Take over yard maintenance for a couple of months. Offer to research funeral arrangements or coordinate services.
Write an obituary (or collect data for one)
An obituary writer will need facts, descriptions, and stories. Contact friends and family for memories. Collect quotes. Note personality traits. Cross-check facts.
Check in
Those who suffer a loss may get a lot of attention initially. The real loneliness happens later, when contacts drop off. Check in regularly. Don’t leave a message with call-back pressure. Just let them know you’re thinking about them.
https://research.lifeway.com/2018/08/09/10-ways-to-comfort-a-grieving-person/