Tell Their Story
Takeaway: Sharing family stories, especially emotional ones, helps people deal with grief.
The strength of stories
In a Hidden Brain podcast called “The Power of Family Stories,” psychologist Robyn Fivush of Emory University describes what she has learned over multiple studies about how telling stories can positively impact lives.
- How families talk about difficult experiences, especially grief and loss, has a profound effect on growing minds.
- When parents openly share stories about loved ones who have passed away, it helps children process their emotions and feel more connected to their family history.
Discussing difficult events
One study focused on how parents talk about the family’s past and what effect that has on children.
- Challenging experiences, such as illness or death, frequently fed dinnertime conversations.
- Family stories, when told in a fashion that genuinely involves the young person, “result in more trust within the family, higher self-esteem, higher academic competence, higher social competence.”
- What made these stories memorable was acknowledging the young person’s emotion. “Shared emotional resonance really helps us deal with grief and mourning.”
Case study: 9/11
Findings surrounding the 9/11 tragedy reinforce the importance of recounting difficult experiences.
- Families who had talked openly about hard times before 9/11 were better equipped to handle grief after the tragedy.
- Fewer behavior problems, less anxiety, and lower signs of depression afterward were found in children of such families.
- Talking about loss in a healthy way prepares children to handle future grief more effectively.
Stories can link people with those who have passed on
“So even though it can be painful, don’t avoid talking about loved ones.”
- Fivush’s husband’s parents had died before she met him. But thanks to robust storytelling, she learned a lot about his mother, Annie Lester.
- Fivush feels connected to Annie through the stories her husband and his extended family shared.
- She wears Annie’s wedding ring as a symbol of that connection. “Through this ring, I feel close to her, even though I never met her,” she says.
https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/the-power-of-family-stories/
A well-researched, detailed obituary or in-memoriam piece can preserve family stories, facilitate their retelling, and positively influence generations to come.